how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
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