you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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