What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
