With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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