You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We have so much sex to catch up on
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
