Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
