like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
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