When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
