I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize