i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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