you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
