i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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