Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
