well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
