i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
