i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
