She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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