I think my fart just growled at me.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize