About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
