I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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