My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
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