Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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