i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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