you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
