She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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