I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I think people are normalizing furries
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
