The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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