I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
