Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
