yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
