Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
