Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
