She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My vagina is officially offended.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
