I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
