walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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