I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
The struggles of a small town man whore
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
