he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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