This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
