If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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