just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
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