He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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