why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
