Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
vagina is talking i cant
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
