Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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