I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
