I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
