i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
