Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
