i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
