I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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