This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
