So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
