she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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