Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
