He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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