My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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