I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
