you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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