kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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