nut hugger
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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