Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
