Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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