Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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