Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
It's Friday. Sex?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
