Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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