Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
