Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
