i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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