I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize