is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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