my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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