Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
