Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
