hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
