ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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