No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Barsexuality is the new black.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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