Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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