I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
