What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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