I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
COCAINE IS GR8
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize